Sure

Regrets are only useful if you learn from them. This is a sentiment I try to live by but am ignoring for today.

Today is the second anniversary of the day my mom died. It is weird how time plays tricks; it seems so long ago that most of it is a blur and yet there are moments and visions so burned into the space behind my eyes that they could have happened five minutes ago. Moments I wish I had handled differently, visions I wish I could unsee, could wipe away. These memories often come unbidden and serve the sole function of depriving me of sleep or breath, but sometimes-on days such as today-I allow myself to explore them, explore the pain within those last few days in the hope of being sure. I know I loved my mom, wanted and needed her. But I need to be sure my mom knew she was loved. I need to be sure my mom knew she was wanted. I need to be sure my mom knew she was needed.

It is too late to be sure.

Feet on ground, heart in hand, facing forward, be yourself.